Dragonball: Evolution (2009)

When I was watching this movie, I couldn't help but wonder what combination of alcohol and drugs were being taken to make the writers and cast go "This is a good idea." I'm guessing it was a combination somewhere between Jim Belushi and Lindsay Lohan. That's right, I'm talking about Dragonball: Evolution.



PLOT:
Almost any anime (Japanese animation) fan will tell you that Dragonball and Dragonball Z were groundbreaking. Even if they don't like it. The story of a young boy on a mission to find the 7 dragon balls that will grant any wish. Along the way he meets numerous friends, trains under the greatest fighter, makes close friends, and learns life lessons along the way. As a child, there's something endearing about the story. There's something in every boy that wants to be a great fighter. And well...they attempted to translate that to a live action movie.

Honestly, I'm not sure what happens in this movie, but I'm going to attempt to explain the plot.

Piccolo, played by James Marsters, is on a mission to obtain the 7 dragon balls to make a wish to rule the world. Goku, played by Justin Chatwin, receives the 4-star ball from his grandfather, Gohan, on his 18th birthday. After attending a party hosted by his crush, Chi-Chi, he returns home and finds his grandfather almost dead, and his house destroyed. A failed attempt by Piccolo to retrieve the dragon ball. Oh, how I wish it ends here while it's still happy...

Goku sets out, meets Yamcha (a desert bandit,) meets Roshi, (a martial arts trainer,), played by Chow Yun-Fat, and learns he needs to retrieve the dragon balls before the next solar eclipse (for some reason) or the great ape Ozaru will join Piccolo and supposedly destroy the world.

Stuff happens, skip to the end, Goku and Piccolo fight.

Honestly, there's no point giving you the details. You'll either get bored, get angry (if you're a Dragonball fan,) or cry uncontrollably because you just remembered the fact that you stopped doing something more productive, like heroin, to watch this movie.

The point of this site is to give you the good AND bad. The good in this movie is...if you like martial arts, you'll probably like the fighting. But, the downside to that is, you'd have to like a bad plot. Or suffer through this movie in general. So, that's like...half a point in the good column, at best.

CHARACTERS:
Dragonball and Dragonball Z excelled in creating lovable characters and funny dialogue. The characters were hilarious when interacting. That doesn't happen in this movie.

This is Goku. A lovable, naive man with a love for food, and the strongest sense of protecting the Earth that you'll ever see. He does everything for his friends and the world, even dies a few times.

This is Dragonball: Evolution Goku.

The problem with this is, for one, he is the anti-Goku. He's annoying, whiny, and just generally angsty because of Chi-Chi being all...you know...probably packing more than him. Plus, you know, his Grandpa died at the hands of an intergalactic evil alien thief. Pft. What a wuss.

I seriously can't even begin to explain how every character is virtually indistinguishable from their anime counterpart. So instead, I'll just show you in the basest way possible. PICTURE TIME!

Bulma - Dragonball Z

Bulma - DB:E

Worst...er...best, I don't know, of all.

Piccolo - DBZ

Piccolo - DB:E

Insert horny joke here.

I just...Why?

END SUMMARY:

I can't fathom why this movie was green lit. I mean, yea, OK. It might be decent if the original Dragonball were never made. It might be OK, if you REALLY like bad movies (I do, but this isn't even bad funny.) It might even be OK if you're drunk. But honestly, I can't recommend this movie. Even though I'm a huge fan of DB and DBZ, that's not my problem, since that would be biased. My problem is the muddled plot, the bland characters, and the poor execution. Give this one a pass. You'll thank me later.

SCORE: 1.5/10